


Cat and Mouse

by Ranhie88



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Asexual Character, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gray-Asexuality, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:56:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21983278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ranhie88/pseuds/Ranhie88
Summary: Mouse comes over to cheer Jamie up and things ... happen.
Relationships: Jamie Benn/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 11





	1. People Are Messy

**Author's Note:**

> This is supposed to be part of a larger work, but this is all I don't hate so far.

“I’m so sorry, Jame,“ I said with a hug. 

“Thanks, Mouse.”

“You ok?”

“Yeah.”

“Liar.”

“Yeah,” he sighed. Sad eyes stayed aimed at the floor. Weight shifted from one foot to the other. 

“You wanna watch a sad movie and eat ice cream and cry it out, or would you rather throw darts at her picture?”

A rueful chuckle. “I’m not fucking crying.”

“Darts it is!”

“No,” he grabbed my arm and pulled me back. “No darts. Just.” Scrubbed a hand down his face. “I dunno. Can I kick your ass at bubble hockey or something?”

Grabbing his arm with my free hand, I squeezed and winked. “If you think you’re good enough.”

“Oh you are so toast,” he grinned. I turned toward the stairs, but he pulled me back into a loose hug. “Hey. Thanks. Really.”

“Any time, bud.” I held tightly and felt the sigh. It was a long minute before he was ready to let go and follow me upstairs. I just let him take his time. 

He did kick my ass at bubble hockey. Ruthlessly. I was happy to let him take it out on the game, something harmless. I made a show of trying to win and being upset that I lost, but we both knew I never stood a chance. Unfortunately, it didn’t lighten the mood. 

“Ok this isn’t working. You’re concentrating too hard.”

Jamie sighed, palms on the machine. “Yeah.”

“You sure no darts?”

“No darts.”

“Ok but you gotta let it out somehow.”

“I don’t know what to do.” Pressed his forehead against the bubble. “Fuck, this sucks.”

“We could dance it out.”

Head up just enough to glare at me. “This is not Grey’s Anatomy, and I am not dancing.”

“You sure? We could totally turn on some terrible country music and dance.”

“No.” Giggle. 

“Ok but if you change your mind, the offer’s open.”

“Good to know. Let’s just watch a movie. But not a sad one. Like an action flick.”

“Fury Road?” 

“Perfect.”

“Done. Let’s blow some shit up!”

Laughter chased me as I danced down the hall into the media room, followed shortly by a hard root beer in my hand. 

“Thanks. Am I still the only one drinking these?”

“Yup. All yours. No one else will touch them.”

“Sweet. Y’all are missing out, though.”

“Nope.”

Shrugging, I turned and put my feet in his lap, and he looked down and chuckled before settling into the movie. 

Somehow, without conscious thought, we ended up lying down on the couch, Jamie using me as a human body pillow, head on my chest and arms and legs wrapped around me. I started out rubbing his back but ended up combing my fingers through his hair. 

Both of us were so relaxed that it didn’t occur to me at first that his hand had made its way under my t-shirt and over my bra. Not squeezing, or even fondling, just resting there like that’s where it belonged. I’m pretty sure he didn’t realize what he was doing until he pushed my shirt up and absently involved his mouth. 

I jumped, he jumped, then he bolted upright so fast he nearly dumped me onto the floor. 

“Oh my god, I am so sorry!”

“It’s ok, you just startled me.” 

“Not ok. What was I thinking? Oh god.” He looked mortified. 

I had to lean way over to reach where he was backed into the corner of the couch like a frightened animal, but I took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. 

“Jamie, it’s ok. No harm done. Really.”

Barely looking at me through the cringe, he scrubbed his free hand over his face as if it would wipe away the lovely shade of scarlet he was blushing. 

“I’m so, so sorry. You know I would never …”

“I know. Jame. Sweetheart.” I climbed over to him and pulled him into a tight hug. “It’s ok. I mean it.”

Relaxed ever so slightly into the hug, he was still tense, so I rubbed his back until he let out a heavy sigh and hugged me back like I wasn’t made of glass. But when I sat back, he still couldn’t bring his eyes up to mine. 

“Chubbs. Hey.”

Finally, he slowly looked up at me through his lashes, as if he expected a lecture. 

“I know you didn’t mean anything by it. You’re just missing that. It’s understandable, really.”

“It’s unacceptable. I have no right to just … take. I just … you were so soft and warm and … I spaced out and … god, what is wrong with me?”

“How long has it been?”

“What?” Confusion. 

“How long? When’s the last time you … y’know, touched anyone?”

Blushing again, staring at his hands. “Oh. Um. I dunno, like, a few months? But like, we went longer than that during the season. Well, I did.”

Softly, “Oh honey.” Grabbed his hand. He flinched a little, then sighed. 

“Can you … not call me that? It’s …”

“Oh. Right. Sorry.”

“S’ok. It just … hurts.”

“Yeah. Do you … can I …” Failing to form a coherent sentence, I did the only thing I could think of — kissed him, full on the mouth. 

Surprised, he didn’t respond at first, but then instinct took over and he kissed me back, slowly, then a little desperately, a drowning man grabbing onto a life preserver. Strong hands cradled my head, not tenderly — to make sure I didn’t pull away. 

The kiss was raw, needy, nothing sweet or loving about it, just frayed, pent-up emotions being released. When it ended, we stared at each other in semi-stunned silence for a bit before he found his words. 

“What was that?”

“Pretty sure it was a kiss,” I quipped. 

“No shit, really? I mean why.”

A shrug. “I didn’t know what to say.” 

“So … you kissed me?”

“I think you kissed me back.”

“I did. But … I thought … I mean …”

“What? Oh. I’m not … I’m just … different. I do like boys. And don’t let this go to your big ol’ vain head, but you’re kind of beautiful.” 

He blushed the most amazing shade of pink at that, one dimple threatening to dig into his cheek as he looked down at his hands. 

“Anyway, you’re hurting and clearly touch-starved, and I just really wanted to kiss it better. Was that ok?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it was … nice.” Eyes back up to mine, looking for confirmation that it was really ok. 

“Do you wanna do it again?”

“I don’t wanna take advantage.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“Yeah.” Blushing again. “Ok. I do. If it’s ok with you.”

“It’s definitely ok. Do you … want to do more?”

“No! No … I mean yeah I want to, but …”

“Hey. I’m asking. You’re not pushing.”

“I just don’t wanna … use you. I can go pick up in a bar for that.”

“Even if I’m offering?”

“But you don’t want that.”

“I want to help you. I want to make you feel good.”

“I don’t want pity sex.”

“I’m not offering out of pity. I’m offering because I want to help. I know that’s a fine line, but it makes a difference to me.”

“So you … want me?” 

“In this situation, yes. Look, I don’t want to get all TMI. I want to fill that need for you. If you want me to.”

“I just … didn’t think you liked it.”

“I do … I just need something more than basic animal attraction, and you needing me right now does that for me. So now that we’ve discussed it to death, can I kiss you again?”

A smile, a nod, and to my surprise, he pulled me up to straddle his lap. “I’m serious, Mouse, tell me if you want me to stop. I don’t want to fuck up our friendship just because I’m lonely and horny.”

“Promise. But same goes for you. If it’s too weird, we don’t have to keep going.”

“Deal.” Then a kiss that made my head spin. Lips trailing from my ear down my neck to my collarbone made my spine tingle. 

“Damn, Jamie.”

“Want me to stop?”

“Fuck no. Please, no.”

I felt the smile against my skin before he pushed my shirt up and off. 

“Good ‘cause I really don’t want to.” 

Only a moment to look into his nearly black eyes before he was kissing me again, surprisingly soft hands meandering across my chest then coming together to unclasp my bra. As soon as the straps were down my arms and off, he lifted my hands back up to his hair and skimmed his fingers along my arms back down to my chest. 

Those soft hands caressed and fondled their way around my skin, gentle but not tentative, while the mouth did the demanding. Passionate kisses from my lips down my throat, just shy of leaving marks. When they reached my chest, I lifted up on my knees to give him better access. 

Lips surrounded one nipple, and he teased with his tongue while taking more in his mouth and then sucking hard enough to make me whimper. 

“Ok?”

“Mhmm. More.”

He smiled and shifted to the other side, made me whimper again, dragging teeth along skin. Hands dropped to the button of my jeans. 

“Hey, no fair, you’re still dressed,” I whined. 

An impatient huff, but he backed off and yanked his shirt over his head, giving me a nice show, then surprised me by standing and dropping his shorts to the floor, leaving him in nothing but boxer briefs. He pulled me up so he could finish taking off my jeans, pushing them down to my ankles while kissing his way down my body. I had to hold onto his shoulders when he nuzzled into the fabric of my panties, hot breath making me tingle again. Feet freed one by one, then beard tickling my torso as he stood.

In nothing but our underwear, we stared at each other a little awkwardly for a moment, but he fixed it by kissing me, easy and unhurried, before quietly lifting me up, hands on my ass. 

“Where are we going?”

“Bedroom,” murmured into another kiss. 

“Jamie, I can walk! That’s on the other side of the house.”

“Mmmmnope. Want to carry you.”

And then I was pinned against the wall of the elevator. Oh. Well that was hot. 

Dizzy from his mouth on mine, I saw nothing but him until he was setting me down softly on the floor in his bedroom. 

Quietly, “Still sure?”

“So sure.” I spun him around and pushed him down on the bed. He just stared as I crawled onto his lap, but caught up quickly and pulled me in for a hot and heavy kiss, hands in my hair, teeth pulling at my bottom lip, tongue in my mouth. 

I leaned forward, using my body to tell him to lie back without breaking the kiss, and he smoothly pivoted his feet onto the bed and pulled me down with him. Once he was settled, I started kissing his neck, from the hollow of his throat up to his ear. Lingered for a while, pulled a moan from him that made my heart race. 

“Tell me what you want first,” murmured in his ear. “You want my mouth? My tits? My pussy?

A moaned “fuck” was the only response, and I rocked against his crotch a little. Hands grabbed my hips and pulled me down harder. “Fuck. Don’t …” 

“Don’t?” I breathed before sucking on his earlobe. 

“Mouth. Your mouth. Please.”

Smiling, I nibbled on his ear for a bit before kissing, licking, and nipping my way down his body. Flicked a nipple with my tongue, got him panting a little and fisting hands in my hair. 

It was a little bit of a struggle to get his boxers over the curve of his ass and thick thighs, but once they were to his knees, he kicked them the rest of the way off and lay flat again. When he reached to touch himself, I swatted his hand away and replaced it with mine. 

“Let me.”

All he could do was close his eyes and nod and let out a sigh when I gave him a long, light stroke that I immediately followed with my tongue. Whimpered just a little as I took the head into my mouth. Moaned, long and loud, when I swirled my tongue around under his foreskin. A hand swept through my hair to the base of my skull. I looked up at him without stopping.

Eyes intense, a little watery, lips parted, breathing shallow. When I took more of him in my mouth and licked up the underside, he closed his eyes and moaned again, softer this time, almost a whine. 

Slowly, I built him up, my hand around the base pumping in rhythm with my mouth — there was no way I could take all of him — until he was panting and shaking, gasping a combination of “fuck” and “oh god,” pulling my mouth off of him just in time to stripe ropes of cum all over his chest. 

“You didn’t have to do that,” I smiled up at him softly, hand still wrapped around him. 

“I didn’t want … um … I knew it was going to be a lot. Too much.”

Leaning up to kiss his cheek, I laughed softly. “You still didn’t have to, sweetie,” I murmured in his ear. “I’ll be right back.”

He hummed his assent and sank back into the pillows, boneless. A quick mouth rinse and I returned with a warm, wet washcloth, straddled his thighs, began gently cleaning off his stomach and chest. Smiling, he put his hand over mine. 

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to. Let me take care of you.”

“K,” he smiled bashfully. “But you’re never gonna get it all out of my chest hair.”

I giggled. “Voice of experience?” 

“Yes.” A bright blush bloomed on his cheeks, but he was still smiling and relaxed. I smiled back and finished cleaning up as best I could. 

“I guess we’ll just have to get you in the shower.”

Pulling me down onto his chest, he giggled. “If I get you all sticky, will you join me?”

“Oh my god,” I laughed, “all you had to do was ask. The answer would have been yes.”

“Good.” Then he pulled me into a kiss that made us forget all about the shower. 

As we kissed, I rocked my hips into his, and he grabbed my ass with both hands. 

“Mmm, why are you still not naked?” mumbled into the kiss. 

“Dunno. Been busy.”

He snorted as he rolled me over and hovered above me, pulled my panties off and kissed his way back up my body. There was a long pause at my chest where his mouth and hands and eyes made a thorough exploration of every available inch of skin, leaving nipples at attention and heart pounding. 

“I didn’t know you had a mascot,” he smiled and softly traced the tiny tattooed mouse on my ribs under my right breast. 

I giggled. “Mhmm. She hides.”

“She’s cute.”

“She says thanks.” Another giggle. 

Still smiling, he placed a sweet, chaste kiss on the mouse’s head. Then mouth and hands parted ways — mouth back to mine while his right hand skimmed back down to my thigh. He shifted onto one hip beside me but kept kissing, muting my whimper when two fingers dipped between my legs and gently slid up through my folds. 

“This ok?” 

“Mhmm. But you don’t need to do anything for me. I’m supposed to be taking care of you.”

“I want to though,” he murmured. “I want to touch you everywhere. I want to make you come. And when I’m ready again, I want to fuck your brains out.”

The combination of that soft voice and the dirty talk short-circuited my brain, and all I could do was moan “god damn” and pull him back to my lips. Taking that as a sign to continue, he pushed my legs apart and picked up where he left off. 

“Fuck, Mouse, you’re so wet. For me?”

“No, for the other hot guy who’s been kissing all over me,” I laughed, shoving him playfully. “Yes you, dork.”

“Ok yeah you’re gonna have to explain it to me like I’m stupid. Later. Right now I just wanna touch you.”

“Mmm, anything you want.”

My hips bucked into his hand, and I guided him to my sweet spot, helped him get the rhythm right. 

Lips against my ear, voice so soft. “There good?” 

“Fuck yes, just like that. Don’t stop.”

Needing something to hold onto, I reached up and got a hand in his hair. He moaned. 

“Oh. You like that?”

Leaning into my hand, “Yeah.” 

And so I held onto his hair — not quite pulling — while he continued to make my toes curl. Never losing rhythm with his hand, he brought his mouth into play, kissing lips, then neck, then chest. When I came, panting, digging my fingers into his scalp and arm, his mouth was back on my neck, just below my ear, and he placed little soft kisses all along my jaw and across my neck and collarbone. 

“Jesus, Chubbs,” I breathed when I’d come down, “that was uhhh …”

Bless his heart, he tried not to be smug about it, but I could tell he was proud of himself. 

“I’m glad.”

“Yeah, it’s um. Been a while since someone did that for me.”

“How long?”

“Ummm … years? Not sure how many.”

“Do you …” He blushed so hard it went down his chest. “y’know, take care of yourself?”

“Oh. Mmmm, sometimes. Mostly to shut my mind off when I can’t sleep, really. It’s a whole different thing, having someone else do it. Same basic mechanics, very different feeling.”

His hand, which had moved to my hip, pulled me over onto my side, facing him. 

“Do you still want to …” 

“Do you?”

Suddenly shy, he looked down. “Yeah,” he said softly. “If that’s ok.”

“Hey, look at me.” I waited. When he finally brought his big brown eyes up to mine, I continued. “I mean it. Anything you need. If that’s sex, cool, I’m down. If you just wanna lie here and kiss and touch, that’s fine. If you just need to hold me or be held, I can do that too. Tell me what you need.”

“Honestly? I don’t know.”

“Is any of this helping?”

A smile. “Yeah. It is.”

“Then let's just go with it.” I smirked. “Kiss me.”

He snorted a little laugh and then leaned in for a slightly tentative kiss. Tentative shifted pretty quickly to steamy, hands moving over skin, grabbing tits and ass and pulling me closer. I could feel him getting hard again, long before he acted on it, rubbing against me, pulling my knee up over his hip. 

Softly, in my ear, “I want you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Ok?”

“Fuck me, Jamie.”

“Fuck. Yeah, ok.” Rolling over to his nightstand, he grabbed a condom from the drawer. When that was squared away, he kissed me, hard, and rolled me onto my back so he could hover over me. More kissing — my lips, my neck — while he lined himself up and slowly eased in. Just a little. 

A whispered “fuck” and he backed off. “You’re so tiny, Mouse. I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“Not gonna lie, you’re … um … well, bigger than I’ve had before.”

He blushed. This big, brawny, hot-as-fuck stud was bashful about his big dick. Talk about a turn-on. Rather than continuing the discussion, I guided him back in, hooked my feet around his thighs, pulled him into a kiss. 

“I’ll tell you if it’s too much, ok?”

“Yeah.” A nod. “Ok.”

Again, slowly, tentatively, he pressed in. It was a lot. I may have made a noise. Ok, I whimpered. He stopped. 

It didn’t … hurt, exactly. “It’s ok. Keep going. I’m ok.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Just … keep going slow.”

“Mouse —“

“No, seriously, Chubbs … oh my god, is that why they call you …”

“Shut up, no, I was fat, ok?”

I giggled. He shook his head and pushed in a little harder. “Brat.”

“Fatty.”

Fighting a smile, he did it again. 

“Fuck,” I squeaked. “Ok that felt good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Do it again.”

He did. 

“Oh god.”

“More?”

“Uh huh,” I nodded. He pushed in further. My eyes rolled back in my head a little. 

“Ok?”

“Yeah. No more slow, just go.”

“You sure?”

“Mhmm.”

I gasped as he pressed in the rest of the way. 

“Ok?”

“Yep, good. Just … wow.”

He kissed me, sweetly, tenderly, and started to move. “Tell me what feels good, ok?” 

“Mhmm.”

“Mouse, you gotta breathe.”

I blew out the breath I was holding. “I will. In a minute. I just gotta … adjust.”

He stopped for a second and kissed me. “We don’t need to do this if it doesn’t feel good.”

“Does it feel good for you?”

“Yes, fuck. So good.”

“Then I’m good. Just gimme a minute to catch up. Keep going though.”

“Ok. But I mean it. If you’re uncomfortable we stop.”

“Jamie, just shut up and fuck me.”

His eyes closed, and he sucked in a breath. Kissed me hard and went back to rocking into me, with more force this time. 

It had been so long, I’d kind of forgotten what sex felt like. And Jamie was very different from the one other guy I’d been with, both physically and emotionally. I shifted under him a little, and he adjusted, got his arms under my legs, and oh my god that made all the difference. I let out a moan. My toes curled. I dug my nails into his shoulders. 

Message received, he settled into that position, slowly rolling his hips, still making sure I was ok but mostly getting lost in his own experience. Eyes closed and brow furrowed, biting his bottom lip, barely making a sound other than breathing. 

The man had stamina. I shouldn’t have been surprised, given that he’s an athlete, but I didn’t expect him to want to go all night. I was not complaining. He kept his weight off me, and the position we’d found had him hitting sweet spots I didn’t know I had. When he got closer to losing control, he sped up just a tad, went just a bit harder, and that did it for me. My body quivered from my shoulders to my knees as I came hard enough that I could barely breathe. 

A raspy “Jesus fuck,” was followed by stuttering hips and lost rhythm, and he pounded a couple dozen more erratic strokes before he dove forward and kissed me through his own orgasm. The kiss slowly tapered off from frenzied to tender, until he stopped and rested his forehead against mine. 

A long moment later, he very gently pulled out, took off the condom, tied it, tossed it vaguely in the direction of his bathroom before collapsing onto the bed — mostly beside me but with his head nestled into my neck and one arm snaked over and around me. I immediately got a hand in his hair and the other on his back, rubbing slowly. 

It was several long moments before he had the capacity to speak, and then it was barely audible, his already soft voice on the edge of sleep. 

“Stay?”

“Of course, anything you need.”

“Just this. Exactly what you’re doing.”

“Ok. Get some sleep, Chubbs. I’ve got you.”

  
  



	2. Fallout

When I woke up, he had pulled the sheet up over us and moved his head up to his pillow, but he was mostly in the same position. Arm still around me, though I’d rolled onto my side. I watched him sleep for a little while, peaceful and relaxed. 

I had no idea what time it was, but the soft light peeking through the blinds suggested either dusk or dawn. Either way, I was hungry. We’d skipped dinner in favor of getting naked and then sleeping it off. So I carefully eased out from under his arm, cleaned myself up a little in his bathroom, stole a t-shirt from one of his drawers, and went to figure out whether I was making dinner or breakfast. 

Dinner, as it turned out. It had only been a couple of hours since we fell asleep. I rummaged through his kitchen for what I could put together and got to work. 

I was just about to go wake him when he shuffled into the kitchen, sleepy-eyed and adorable, hair going in every direction, in just a pair of shorts. 

“I smell food. What time is it?”

“8:15. I was starving. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course not. You know what’s mine is yours. Whatcha makin?”

“I baked those pork chops you had in the fridge and made some pasta. You wanna throw a salad together?”

“Perfect. I’ll grab some wine too.”

“Oh fancy!”

He just laughed and went off to find a bottle before coming back to make the salad. Before we sat down at the bar to eat, he wrapped me up in a big hug. 

“Thank you. For dinner. And everything.”

“You’re so, so welcome.” I smiled up at him. 

He kissed my forehead and let me go, and we enjoyed a quiet, relaxed dinner together. After we cleaned up the kitchen, Jamie smiled bashfully at me. 

“I was thinking of getting in the hot tub. What do you think?”

“I think I didn’t bring my suit.”

“Oh. Um. You could go in in that … or go without? No one will see but me.”

I smiled at him. “Jamie Benn. Are you suggesting we go skinny dipping in your back yard?”

“Well. I was suggesting you could. But yeah, if it makes you feel better about it, I could too.”

“Ok I will. And you can if you want. Up to you.”

“I will. It’ll be fun. Look at me, having fun.” He plastered the most ridiculous, hilarious, fake-beyond-belief smile on his face, and I lost it. Which was apparently the desired effect because it was followed by a genuine, open-mouthed, tongue-out, dimpled laugh. 

When we’d stopped cracking up, he grabbed my hand and led me out to the hot tub, then left me to undress while he turned on the lights and jets. When he turned back around, I was still standing there watching him. 

“Change your mind?”

“No I just … was waiting for you I guess.”

“Well I was trying to give you a head start,” he smiled. “All I’ve got is shorts.”

“Can you um, go first?”

“What are you shy all of a sudden?”

I looked down at my feet. 

“Heyyy hey no, I was kidding.” He wrapped me up in a hug. ”Mouse, I’m the shy one around here. Quit trying to steal my thing.”

I giggled into his chest. “I could never.”

Bunching up the back of the shirt, he looked into my eyes. “Can I?” 

I nodded and lifted my arms as he pulled it over my head and tossed it on a chair. 

“There, we’re even now. You good?” 

I laughed. “Yeah, I’m good.”

We finished undressing together and giggled like teenagers as we stepped into the hot tub and sank into the water.

I sighed. “Ok yeah that feels really good.”

“Yeah it does.”

I still felt more exposed than him. Tried scooting further down into the water, not comfortable. Crossed my arms over my chest, felt awkward. Jamie must’ve noticed the squirming. 

“Hey Mouse? Come sit by me?”

I smiled and moved over to his side of the hot tub. He pulled me up against his side, rested his arm behind me, hand on my shoulder, kissed my temple. I looked up, smiling, and he turned toward me. One thumb traced the daisy chain tattoo up my arm and over my shoulder. 

“Have I mentioned how much I love this?”

“The tat or the skinny dipping?”

A smile. “Both.” Lips touched mine — so, so softly until I reached up to pull him closer. A deeper kiss, my legs draped over his lap. Hand drifting up the outside of my thigh, tugging at my hip, running up my spine to the base of my skull. 

Emotional and intense but soft. Two people who never expected this, both hyper-aware of their own issues but willing to just go with the moment. 

When we finally stopped — hours later? no concept of time — I was totally relaxed. We rested our foreheads together for a moment, both smiling, then I scooted further into his lap and nestled into his chest. He leaned back against the side of the hot tub but kept his arms around me, one hand on my thigh and one rubbing softly on my back. We were quiet for a bit, both enjoying the closeness. 

“This is what I miss the most about being in a relationship,” I sighed. “Shit, sorry, didn’t mean to bring that up.”

“It’s ok,” he said softly. “I miss this too. A lot. Fuck, you know what? I haven’t been in a real relationship in like two years. We were just friends who used to be together that still texted and fucked occasionally.”

“Ouch. I mean, neither have I, but we had the sense to officially end it two years ago.”

“We probably should have. It was doomed the minute she moved to LA.”

“Would you if you had it to do over?”

Heavy sigh. “Probably not. That probably makes me an idiot.”

“No, it makes you loyal and in love. Maybe a little hopelessly so, but not an idiot. Would it have hurt less if you’d ended it then?”

“I don’t know. Maybe? We’d have done less damage to each other. But we wouldn’t know whether we gave up on something that could’ve worked. I’d probably always wonder.”

“Well then maybe this is how it needed to go down. You can make a clean break now.”

“Yeah. Shit, I still don’t want it to be over. Even after everything that happened. But I can’t do the long distance thing anymore. It’s too hard.”

“So what do you miss the most?”

“God, she made me laugh. She’s crazy. She dragged me out to so much stupid shit. But I had fun. Even at fucking Disneyland, my nightmare. We still had fun.”

“I could not believe she got you on that ferris wheel.”

“Me neither. Pretty sure I almost died.”

“Oh lord, you’re so dramatic.”

“I swear to god my heart stopped.”

“Such a baby.”

“Yup. Sure am. Mum’s baby.”

I giggled. “That too.”

“So what really happened with you and Kevin? Did he not want to move to Colorado?”

“No, I um, kinda moved to Colorado to get away from him.”

“You what? Did he hurt you? Do I need to beat his ass?”

“Noooo no no nothing like that. I just thought it would be easier. If we didn’t see each other. Like at friends’ parties or the grocery store or whatever. I think I … really hurt him. When I broke it off.”

“Oh. Why did you break it off then?”

“It … wasn’t fair to him. That I didn’t want to, y’know.”

“Ohhhh. So wait, you never had sex? You were together like two years.”

“Two years and one day, actually. And yes, we had sex. But I um, didn’t …”

He waited for me to finish the thought, and when I didn’t, he kissed my head and hugged me. 

“It’s ok. We can change the subject if you want.”

I took a deep breath. “No, I don’t mind. You wanted me to explain more anyway. That’s as good a place to start as any.”

“Do you wanna go inside? Would that be more comfortable?”

“Actually, no, this is good. I like the … contact. As long as I’m not cutting off the circulation to your legs.”

“No, you’re perfect. Featherweight,” he laughed. “And I’m enjoying this. Holding you. Feels good.”

“Yeah it does. So … yes, Kevin and I had sex. Although not until we’d been together like six months. I uhh … never really wanted to. It’s not that he was bad at it. He did all the right things. I just wasn’t into it. Which was completely unfair to him. So I broke it off.”

“Did he know? That you’re … what did you call it again?”

“Gray-a? Yeah, but he didn’t really get it. Which is understandable. It doesn’t necessarily make sense if you don’t feel it yourself. We did talk about it though. And he really did try to understand. But he thought he could fix it.”

“So it’s not something you can fix, right? Like it’s just who you are?”

“Exactly. It’s like being gay. It’s not a disease like depression, and it’s not a hormone imbalance. Sometimes it does feel like I’m broken. But there’s not a cause. And it’s not all bad. It just … complicates things.”

“Ok so explain again what it means. Like I’m 12 years old.”

I laughed. “Ok. I’m gonna oversimplify the crap out of this or you're gonna be even more confused and probably bored senseless. Like 1% of the population identifies as asexual, which means we don’t experience sexual attraction. So say a really hot chick walks by, totally your type. Your body reacts. Your brain reacts. You get that I’d-hit-that feeling. Aces don’t experience that.”

“Never? For anyone?”

“Well, straight-up asexual people don’t, no. This is where it gets complicated. So there’s a huge spectrum of asexuality. Straight-up aces don’t experience any kind of sexual attraction. But there’s a massive gray area between that and normal sexuality.”

“Which is where you are. So gray-a.”

“Yup. In my case, I only feel it with someone I really care about, and I need a trigger of some kind. Like cheering you up today. It’s a physical reaction to emotion, I guess is the best way to put it.”

“That’s … a really limited set of circumstances.”

“Yeah. It is. And my life would be so much simpler if I worked the way you do. But here I am.”

“So next week, you probably won’t feel the same way?” 

“Oh maybe still next week. It’s lasted longer than that before. But next year? Probably not.”

“Ok I can’t really wrap my brain around that. But I get that it’s not something you can change. Sorry it complicates your life.”

“Yeah me too. But I’m used to it. It’s better now that I know I’m not a freak. Well, not the only freak.”

“I don’t think you’re a freak.” He hugged me close, and I hugged him back. 

“Thanks, Jame.”

“So did you ever feel it for Kevin or were you just …”

“Going through the motions? Yeah, pretty much. I mean I thought he was good looking. And I did love him. But it never translated to wanting to rip his clothes off.”

He smirked. “You wanted to rip my clothes off?”

“Not literally, ya shit. But I damn sure did wanna get you naked. And by the way, I’m a little pissed at you for never sharing that panther tat. It’s gorgeous.”

“Thank you. But it’s like your mouse. It’s … private. For me. I like sharing it with you now though. Thank you for sharing this with me.” 

He softly touched the mouse on my ribs, then let his hand drift up to cup my breast as he pulled me into a kiss. 

He ran his hand over my body, everywhere he could reach. Looked quietly, earnestly into my eyes. “Thank you for sharing all of this with me. It means a lot.”

“To me too.” 

“You good to stay out here a while longer?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

He pulled me against his chest and kissed the top of my head. We were quiet for a long time, enjoying the feeling of being in each other’s arms and the warm water swirling around us. Occasionally one of us would trail fingertips across the other’s body, press lips to skin, breathe in the other’s scent. But mostly we were just still and content. 

Jamie, ever the worrier, was the first to speak. “So what happens after tonight?”

“What, between us?”

“Yeah.”

“What do you want to happen?”

“I don’t know, honestly.”

“Well, we’re still friends, of course.”

“Obviously.”

“We don’t need to be more if you don’t want.”

A long pause. “What if I want?”

“Do you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe?”

“I’m happy to do more of this if that’s what you need.”

“What about you? What do you need?”

“You to be honest with me. You’re obviously not ready to start a new relationship.”

“No. Definitely not. But I already have a relationship with you. Can we just add the other part into that?”

“What, friends with benefits?”

“I hate that phrase, but yeah, something like that, I guess.”

“You know I can’t promise my um, physical reaction will continue.”

“I know. But if it does?”

I sat back so I could look him in the eyes. 

“We need to set some ground rules.”

“Yeah, sure, definitely. I’m obviously not in a great place right now, and the last thing I want to do is hurt you or fuck up our friendship.”

“Ok.” I thought for a bit. “First things first. I’m not your toy to be used when you have needs and then put back in a box. If you need me, you ask, and if I’m up for it, we go. But if I’m not, you can’t get pissy about it. I want to still be friends like we were before, not just fuck buddies. Ok?”

“Absolutely. I don’t want to ever just use you. If I wanted that, I’d find some puck bunny to fuck. I’m not entitled to your body or your friendship. I’ve gotta be worthy of both.”

“The same goes for me. I’m not going to use you either. I won’t ever ask for anything you’re not ready for. You don’t need to take me to fancy dinners or buy me things. We’re not dating. There’s no pressure.”

“I do want to take you to nice dinners, but only because I like good food and I like your company, not because I’m trying to impress you.”

I laughed. “Ok, fair enough. But let me pay once in a while.”

“You can buy at the places that aren’t stupid expensive. I’m not letting you pick up the check at Nobu.”

I smiled. “I can deal with that. That place is way too rich for my blood.”

“It’s so good though.”

“I should hope so!”

“We’ll go soon.”

“Ok.”

“Anything else?”

“When you’re ready to move on, you tell me. I don’t wanna get in the way of your future.”

“You’ll be the first to know. Fuck, you’ll probably know before I do.”

We both laughed. It was so true. 

“Ok. I think that’s about it.”

“Yeah.” Big, sincere eyes searched my face for doubts. “Mouse, if you ever don’t want me, tell me. I won’t take it personally, I promise. And if I’m stupid and an ass about it, smack me. Don’t ever do anything you’re not 100% into just because it’s what I want. What you want is just as important.”

“Deal.” It came out more breathless than I intended. 

Soft lips on mine, gentle and sweet, and soft hands moving up my shoulders to cradle my face. When we’d had our fill, we rested our foreheads together with soft smiles. 

“Getting sleepy, Chubbs. Bed?”

“Mmm, yeah, bed sounds good.”

As I followed him out of the hot tub, I got an up-close view of his ass, and I tripped on the last step. I gracelessly – barely – caught myself before I face-planted on the pool deck, but it was too late for my dignity as he spun around and saw me stumble. 

“Oh my god, are you ok? I’m so sorry, I should’ve helped you out.”

“No, it’s fine, I’m fine, just uhh, clumsy. Not your fault.”  _ Totally your fault, _ I thought.  _ Your ass’s fault. Jesus Christ, put a warning label on that thing.  _ I couldn’t look him in the face, but I was having trouble finding an appropriate alternative. Everywhere I looked made me blush harder. 

“Mouse? Are you sure you’re ok?” I could hear the smile in his voice, damn him. “You’re awfully pink.”

“Hot tub. Hot water, right?” I stammered as I picked up my clothes, trying not to get them too wet. “Plus I just almost ate concrete, so that’s embarrassing.”

“Ok, c’mon, let's get you inside and make sure you didn’t hurt yourself.”

A towel seemed to wrap itself around my body, and a hand at the small of my back — ready to catch me? push me? — somehow made me feel comforted and uncomfortable at the same time. But I let him guide me through the patio doors into his bathroom, which oddly was the first time I noticed he had wrapped a towel around his waist as well. It sat low on his hips, and if I thought his bare ass was distracting …

“Mouse? You there? Earth to Mollie.”

“Hmm? What?”

“I said let’s have a shower and rinse off the pool water before bed, eh?”

“Oh, right, yeah, good idea.”

“Hey,” soft hands again, lifting my chin to an even softer voice, “are you sure you’re ok? Didn’t hit your head, did you?” Gentle fingers pushed my hair away from my face, concerned eyes looked me over for any visible damage. 

“No, no I caught myself.”

“Ok so what’s wrong? You’re spacing out on me. Did I do something?”

“No … well yes, but …”

“Oh god, what did I do?

“Nothing bad! I just, um, you, uh …” I could feel the blood rushing to my face. 

“Whatever it is, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

“No, don’t be sorry, it’s fine, it’s nothing. Oh my god, just say it, Mollie, Jesus Christ. I came face to face with your ass stepping out of the hot tub and promptly forgot how to walk, ok? That thing should be registered as a lethal weapon. It almost killed me.”

Now it was his turn to blush scarlet — and then try really hard to stifle the belly laugh that followed. 

“Sorry,” he wheezed Canadianly between giggles, “I swear I’m not laughing at you.”

“You’re a terrible liar, Jamie,” I deadpanned before bursting into giggles of my own. “Shut up! It’s the first good look I’ve gotten at that thing. It’s very distracting! You’re very distracting.” I poked at his abs, which were still tensed with laughter, and hooked my finger into the front of his towel. “This whole look is very, very … distracting.” I trailed off — distractedly — and ran my other hand up his chest, letting my own towel fall while I tugged at his. 

His giggles quickly subsided, and he stepped into me, hands running up my sides, smiling when I dropped his towel on the floor. 

“Looks like you’ve got me naked again. What are you gonna do with me?”

“Mmmmmmmmmmmmm wash you,” I giggled and walked over to turn on the water, leaving him cracking up in the middle of the bathroom. 

When I stepped into the shower, he joined me, still chuckling softly, and wrapped his arms around me from behind. 

“You always keep me on my toes.”

“I just needed to hear that laugh.”

“Me too. Thanks.”

I turned around in his arms and looked up into his sweet, smiling face, and I couldn’t resist reaching up to run a hand over one dimpled cheek. He looked so much lighter than he had when I got there. Not cured by any means but definitely not as lost. 

“This smile looks good on you.”

This blush was soft. “You put it there.”

I smiled back and pulled him down into a tender kiss, which he deepened. Not a steamy, sexy kiss, but one full of feeling. 

We washed — ourselves and each other — and headed to bed, where he spooned up behind me and kissed my cheek. 

“Good night, Mouse.”

“Good night, Chubbs.”

We’d worry about the fallout later. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [daisy chain tat](https://photos.app.goo.gl/bTZfKv2Xd99J5KkQ7)
> 
> [mouse tat](https://photos.app.goo.gl/YtMTYt2REW14iiY16)


End file.
